A Battle Lost
by Mizaya
Summary: Kyoru. 'It was a weakness, letting her into his heart so firmly that he found himself dreaming of being with her forever.' Three-part fic with lime ending. COMPLETE
1. Struggle

A/N: This is the first installment of a 3-part Kyoru fic. This chapter is very PG, but there will be some citrus later (edited from a lemon version). Enjoy!

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A Battle Lost, Chapter 1

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Kyo shielded his eyes against the setting sun and looked up to see how far they had left to walk, not that he hadn't made the trip thousands of times. Being with Tohru made him anxious and fidgety, though.

"You didn't have to come up here with me, you know." Kyo told himself that he was grabbing her hand only to keep her from falling on the uneven path through the lightly wooded area. He most certainly wasn't enjoying the feel of her slender fingers enclosed in his well-used ones.

"Ah, but Kyo-kun, I wanted to help you." Her tiny feet caught in a pothole and she would have fallen except for his quick reflexes in pulling her up. She smiled at him in thanks. "I have to wonder, though," she continued, "why did Kazuma-san not invite you to the martial arts tournament?"

Kyo wasn't about to disclose that he wasn't good enough yet for the competition or that he didn't even have enough freedom left to finish out his training. There was no point. Eighty-nine days left. That was all he had. "Hurry up! I'm going to starve to death if you walk any slower!"

Having successfully avoided her question, he set his face into its comfortable scowl that warded off anyone who might try to make conversation with him. Tohru upped her pace at his side and walked with him, wide-eyed, to the top of the path and his Master's small house.

Kyo had known for several weeks that he would be house-sitting for his adoptive father while Kazuma was at the fighting season's biggest match. Normally Kunimitsu, Kazuma's assistant, would have taken care of the household, but he was actually going to compete for once so it was up to Kyo.

What he hadn't expected was for his Shishou to call Shigure's looking for Tohru the day before he left to invite her to come along with him. Before he had the chance to stop it, Tohru had accepted and looked at him with that innocent, smiling face. Then he really couldn't say no. And Kazuma had surely planned the whole thing out to give them time alone together for four days and three very long nights. That would be just like him.

It was a weakness, letting her into his heart so firmly that he found himself dreaming of being with her forever. That was just unfair; it was unfair to her because he would be leaving her and he had no right to love her. Hopefully, she would never find out, but situations like the one he was getting himself into were dangerous. His hands would get clammy and he would put his foot in his mouth or even worse, fall all over his words. Anything he tried to tell her when they were painfully alone came out all wrong, and then he had to backtrack and apologize, inevitably leading to his anger and her confused look that told him that she was so stupid as well as unbelievably special. Being alone with her was exhilarating and difficult at the same time.

"What do you want me to make for dinner, Kyo-kun?"

Her question made him realize that they had come inside the house and were standing in the dark entryway. He hadn't even been aware of unlocking the door in his daze. "Whatever there is. Shishou doesn't keep much in the kitchen, remember?" Thinking of the last time that they had been in the house made him blush. They had cooked lunch together and had such a good time, talking about swimming and his childhood. He felt spoiled by that memory.

Tohru laughed and took off her school bag that she had packed with all of her clothing and necessities, laying it politely on the floor. Kyo watched as she bounced into the kitchen, eager to start on their meal, before he tossed his own bag down and followed her. She was already searching through all the maple-doored cupboards and the refrigerator, apparently without any luck. "There isn't anything except curry again," she said disappointedly, pulling the lone box off of the shelf. "But maybe you don't want that."

Taking a deep breath, Kyo walked across the tiled floor to stand next to her and lean against the counter. "That's fine. We can just eat that and then buy more stuff tomorrow."

"Okay!" 

That bright smile she gave him, with her body so close to his, immediately brought out an embarrassing blush. He knew he should stay and help her with dinner, but he was being overwhelmed just standing alone with her in the kitchen, not five minutes into their stay. He had to leave and do something else. "I'm going to go set up your bed," he said in a rushed mumble before heading rapidly down the hall.

When he got to the tiny room that doubled as a mish-mash library and guest room, he stopped and balled his fists at his sides. Why was he acting like such a dumbass? It was just Tohru. It wasn't like he hadn't lived with her for over two years. He knew that his nerves were on edge because of the implications of sleeping alone in the house with her, far away from everyone. Just standing there in the kitchen had brought tempting visions of what a life with her would be like, her cooking dinner for them, no frustrating cousins in the way.

Those were things that he shouldn't be imagining. He had no right to do it. He had to get his mind on something else, aside from the fantasy of spending idle days doing simple daily activities, just knowing that she was there.

Bedroll.

Kyo remembered why he had come to the guestroom anyway and grabbed the futon out of the small closet to lay it out on the floor for her. As he did, he noticed a bouquet of flowers on the windowsill and smirked. Kazuma could be really subtle sometimes, putting flowers in Tohru's room because he knew she would appreciate them. He could imagine her waking up at dawn, smiling at the pink and white streaked dahlias.

That made him blush again, realizing that he was smoothing out the cotton covers of the futon where Tohru would be sleeping, probably in those little blue pajamas that he secretly found cute.

"Kyo-kun?"

Tohru was outside in the hallway, calling for him. Kyo hastily rose from touching the bedroll and moved to open the door for her. "What is it?" he demanded.

Even though the house wasn't large, she still looked a bit lost until she met his gaze. Then she smiled and came to join him in the room. "Ah, dinner is almost ready. I was beginning to wonder where you had gone." Kyo must have been daydreaming for longer than he thought. "Did you want me to wait to serve it if you're busy?"

"No. I'm really hungry."

"All right!" There was that radiant smile again. He was really going to have a rough time.

Not two minutes later they were sitting down to eat. His Shishou might not have had much in the way of food, but he guessed to himself that Tohru could make rotten leeks taste like heaven. He would never eat them, of course, but they would probably be better than leeks made by anyone else.

"Do you think it needs more seasoning, Kyo-kun?"

He felt a little chagrined when he observed that she had barely touched her food and he was inhaling his. She still earned a frown, though. "Don't act so polite like that with me," he instructed. "You know I always like your cooking. I'm eating it, aren't I?" He could see the apology forming on her lips and charged right over her words. "And don't apologize, either! Who cares if people don't like your food? You like it, right?" He shoved another bite of curry into his mouth and swallowed quickly before saying, "Can't you tell I like it by how fast I'm eating it?"

Her rosy cheeks from his words were expected, but he was a bit surprised when she merely nodded once and started eating. It was a miracle: No apologies, no severe humiliation. He had to gloat mentally at the breakthrough.

"Kyo-kun, I was meaning to ask you, is there anything special that we have to do while we're staying here?"

His plate was suddenly interesting. He would have to tell her sometime, no matter how embarrassing. "There are some plants, and we're supposed to get the mail and stuff, and…. And we have to take care of the cats."

The inevitable excitement filled her eyes and she clapped her hands together and leaned a bit closer to him over the table. "Kazuma-san has cats? I didn't know that!"

Kyo didn't think it was anything to get worked up over, but whatever made her happy. "They usually stay outside, but we do have to feed them and stuff."

"I've never been able to take care of animals before," she told him, "except for the Sohmas."

"That doesn't count!" he yelled in an overly irritated voice. Kyo began stuffing the rest of the curry into his mouth and glowering at his rice. How could she be so excited about taking care of some annoying cats? The dumb beasts made his life hell, rubbing on his legs while he was walking to trip him, waking him up in the morning by kneading his head and purring in his ears.

A faint scratching was heard and the back screen door and Kyo hunched over angrily. Other people might call it coincidence, but anytime he thought about those monsters they would come running. Damn his cat spirit!

Tohru jumped up from the table, after she visibly realized what the sound was, and ran to open the door. Two furry flashes ran in, heading directly for Kyo. The smaller one, the female, shoved her dimwitted brother out of the way, climbed onto Kyo's lap, and proceeded to glare at Tohru. The bigger one, mostly gray, planted himself at Kyo's side and flopped over to stick his soft white belly and matching feet in the air. Both of them had their little purring motors working in overhaul.

"Oh, Kyo-kun! They're so cute!" Tohru giggled, kneeling on the other side of the male to rub his tummy. She reached out with her other hand to pet the female but was halted by a very expressive hiss. "Ah, that one must only like you," she said sagely.

"She's evil. I wouldn't go near her," he advised. The little gray and black speckled cat with paws to match her brother's gave him an insulted look and began rubbing her head against his chest until he finally relented and pet her. Tohru was still busy petting the male, who was writhing on the floor in delight. "He's the dumb one. You can pet him, if you want to pet one at all. I think they're both annoying."

She only laughed and tilted her head to talk to the gray cat in a silly little voice. "Neko-san, you are so cute!" A sudden pensive look took over her face, though. "Kyo-kun, what are their names?"

He knew that one was coming. He would have to tell her at some point. "Kitty Pants and Bonesy," he muttered inaudibly.

"I couldn't hear that. What were they?" she asked innocently.

"Kitty Pants and Bonesy!" he shouted, definitely too loudly by the way she jolted. "And don't think about laughing, either! I made those names up when I was a little kid."

Her little hand covered her mouth as she smiled. At least she had the sense not to point and laugh like Kunimitsu had when Kyo had named the cats. He had only been eight, for crying out loud!

"I think they're very nice names, Kyo-kun." Kyo rolled his eyes as she cooed to Bonesy and got up to collect all of the plates. "I guess I should get these dishes done."

Kyo watched Tohru balance all of the dishes and cups miraculously on one arm and open and close the kitchen door. He could have watched her do that forever, just to bask in the way she tilted her head to that certain angle, and smiled with her goofy look that he loved. 

He laid back on the floor and listened to the cats purring in his ears while he daydreamed of being able to hold her. He would never get through the week at this rate, but there wasn't much to do about that. Odd musings ran through his mind, like what her hair must feel like right after she brushed it, and what she looked like when she slept. She likely smiled. Maybe she sang little songs while she was in the shower, a thought that made him blush, or would want to cuddle during a scary movie. All of the random thoughts made Kyo think that although he knew her so well, there were still too many mysteries.

Suddenly Kyo was on his feet, much to the dismay of Kitty Pants who had still rested on his lap. Here he was, wondering all of these things, and she was in the next room doing dishes. The idea of going to be locked away in his cage without knowing everything there was to possibly know about Tohru was terrifying to him. He desperately wanted to know everything about her, if only to perpetuate his own futile fantasy. It was better than regretting for the rest of his life.

Forcefully, Kyo strode into the kitchen and slammed the screen behind him, incidentally stopping the little cats that were on his heels. Each step he took closer to Tohru working diligently at the sink made him unsure again, though. He couldn't just interrogate her and demand to know everything. He would have to use something else, like tact. He thought he might have some of that.

"Oi, Tohru." She jumped at his loud voice in her ear. "You can't do that alone."

"But…"

He knew protests were coming so he grabbed a dishtowel and began drying before she could say anything else. "You made dinner," he told her in a calmer tone, "so it's only fair that I help clean up." 

"Thank you," she said sincerely, continuing to scrub the bowls so he could dry them. After a minute, she looked up at him. "It's very pretty here, Kyo-kun, don't you think? The mountains are so much closer and all of the trees are so green and happy. I've never seen the mountains at dusk like this before."

Kyo had a hard time not telling her that she was pretty here, regardless of any mountains or trees, especially when he kept feeling his fingers brush hers as she passed flatware to him. "It's fine," he mumbled. His eyes didn't want to leave hers.

Tohru's face was growing bright red under his unwavering stare and she finally ducked her head and handed him the last dish. "I can feed the cats if you know where the food is, Kyo-kun."

Frowning at himself for his idiocy, Kyo told her how to feed the cats and watched her let them in. Kitty Pants hissed at her for good measure, but of course she took it in stride. He wondered how it was that she hadn't ended up like the traveler in Momiji's dumb story living her whole life like that. And he still hadn't talked to her like he had hoped to. "Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked her.

"A walk? Is it safe in the dark?"

Just like he had predicted, he had already stuck his foot in his mouth. Of course they couldn't go walking around in the dark. He was such a fool. "Uh, I guess not. Maybe we could do something else, you know, like, um, I don't know." He grumbled at the realization that he was making no sense whatsoever. Tohru was just staring at him quizzically. "Wanna watch a movie before bed?"

Seemingly excited by this prospect, she rose up on her toes and smiled. "I didn't know Kazuma-san had movies. That sounds like fun."

"Yeah, come on." Kyo led her from the kitchen into the sitting room where Kazuma had his television and a very strange collection of movies. "Pick out anything you want."

"What kind do you want to watch, Kyo-kun?" she asked as she searched through them.

He was irritated by her wanting to make him happy. "Don't worry about what I want to watch! I've seen them all already, anyway. They're all the same to me." 

Kazuma's movies were either old Samurai flicks or really sappy romance, with a few horror and action films thrown in for variety. Looking at the titles of the horror movies, Kyo changed his mind about wondering if Tohru would want to be held while watching one. She was frightened so easily that he didn't have to wonder, and just thinking about her like that was making him a little sick. Tohru should be happy and carefree always.

Holding up a video, Tohru bit her lip. "Is this one okay, Kyo-kun?"

What she had picked out was some American-made marital arts flick from long before they were born. He raised his eyebrows questioningly at her choice, but she sensed his apprehension and reassured him.

"It looks very good," she rushed out. "I've heard of this one before and I think martial arts would be fun to watch."

He shrugged and took the box from her. "I bet. Go sit down and I'll put it on."

After he got the movie up and running and settled in at the kotatsu next to her, Kyo noticed the cats enter the room. He groaned when they jumped on the table in front of him and sat next to each other, both closing their eyes and purring. He felt like a real cat himself, sinking down lower in anger at the way they blocked his view of the screen. If he had feline ears, they would have been resting flat against his head. He shifted to his right, straining to see around them, but the way the television was set up, he couldn't see. That meant he had to crane his neck in the other direction. That meant leaning into Tohru.

"Sorry," he said tightly, "but if I try to move them it'll just make it worse." It was true. If he moved them manually out of his line of vision, they would get the hint and become even more annoying.

Up close, he could see Tohru's cheeks pink up. "It's all right. I can move if you want."

"No." He shook his head and tried to get comfortable. It really was a good movie. When he was younger, he and his Shishou would watch all of the Samurai and marital arts movies so Kazuma could quiz him on what was true and what not, where all the mistakes were in the movies and what moves were particularly skillful. He was still in awe of the older man's ability to dissect every detail.

Being so intent on the action made the fact that his head was inches from Tohru's less awkward. He could get so wrapped up in what was happening, shouting out triumphantly when the bad guys got what was coming to them and critically laughing at all of the Hollywood embellishments. Once in a while Tohru would compliment him on his knowledge or ask him to explain what was happening, but for the most part she just sat entranced, a happy smile on her face.

Just over two hours later, the credits began rolling with all of the bad guys defeated and the hero collecting the token damsel in distress. Kyo straightened, pulling away from Tohru to stare once again at the cats. The damn monsters hadn't moved one inch during the whole movie, although they ceased with the purring after about an hour. Silence in the room was ominous.

"Ah, it was very exciting, Kyo-kun. Is that what it's like when you practice with Kazuma-san?"

Snorting at her ridiculous question, Kyo risked a glance at her. "What kind of moron would think something like that? We just fight the traditional way. Nobody does that stuff on moving vehicles and roofs of office buildings. That's just the way movies are."

"Oh." Tohru blushed, obviously upset with herself for asking something so dumb. Kyo felt like an ass when she had that self-deprecating look in her eyes. It only lasted for a second, but it stabbed him right in his gut. Just as soon as it was there it was gone, replaced with her smile. "That makes me relieved. I would worry if Kyo-kun had to do anything that dangerous."

He blushed back, and turned away so she wouldn't see it. That she worried about him was nothing new; she worried about everyone. But her telling him, when they sat in the near dark, alone together in the house, so close together that he had to physically restrain himself from touching her, it was a whole different scenario. 

Clearing his throat, he rose from the floor to turn off the television and rambled to her out of nervousness. "It's stupid to worry about it. I'd never have to fight in a situation that extreme, and even if I did, it wouldn't be a problem." He hoped his tone was convincingly confident. "I bet I could do that stuff better than most people. If that rat wanted to challenge me on a roof I could totally kick his ass!" Fists balled up and his jaw clenched. "That girly Yuki wouldn't know what hit him!"

Giggling from behind him made him turn around angrily. "I'm sorry, Kyo-kun, I don't mean to laugh, but it's so nice to see that you like something so much. I wish I knew about marital arts so I would have something to talk to you about."

The comment struck him hard. She didn't think that he would want to talk to her about anything other than martial arts? "What the hell does that mean? We talk about other stuff all the time." Frantically, he searched his mind for all of the memories that he had of them together. How could she forget them all?

"No, no! I didn't mean that we don't talk." Her hands waved apologetically in front of her, her eyes wide in alarm. "I just wish there was something to talk about that didn't make you bored. I guess I feel bad that I'm always talking about silly things." Tohru knuckled her head as if to show him she was dense and then looked at her lap in humiliation. "I don't want you to be upset about me being here. I'm such a burden, taking up your time and needing things explained."

How could he tell her that she was the only thing in his life that wasn't a burden? Or that he wanted her near him every second of the day? How could she think any of those awful things? Didn't she know that he lived to talk to her, to be around her? Seeing her there, her head bowed in shame, her little hands white where they clasped together so hard, killed him inside. 

Not even thinking clearly, he knelt down beside her, closer than he had been during the movie, and rested his hand firmly on her shoulder. "Don't say things like that! It makes me really angry, and you know they're not true!" He tried to make his tone soft, but his emotions took over, like always, and the words likely sounded harsh to her.

Tohru's face lifted up so slowly, and he could see the hint of tears that would fall if he didn't say something. He couldn't think of anything worthwhile, though. Everything that ever came out of his mouth was wrong, jumbled, misconstrued with his own temper. Shit, his words had already put her in this state. That method wasn't working.

"Tohru…."

Before he could let her beautiful eyes stop him, Kyo dipped his head down and captured her lips. He could feel now how soft they were, just like he always secretly dreamed. Her skin had a light fragrance, like cream and sugar, and she tasted as sweet as any fruit he had ever eaten. He wished the kiss would last forever, but her stiffness made him stop. The last thing he wanted to do was scare or upset her further. Pulling away was hard, as if the kiss was so slow it hurt him bodily, but on the other hand it was already burned into his memory, a moment in time that would never leave him despite any punishment from Akito.

"I-" He couldn't find words to continue.

"Kyo-kun…?"

That surprised expression was enough to get her point across. He rose in haste and let the cats follow on his heels as he made for the door. "We should probably get to sleep," he murmured. "The bathroom is down the hall on the left and there's toothpaste in the right hand drawer if you forgot it. 'Night."

All the way down the hall he sunk deeper into depression. When he got to his room he fell face first onto his bed and tried not to listen to Tohru moving around to get ready for bed. In his mind, he imagined her face full of fear or pain or even disgust. Of course he couldn't tell from the running water as she brushed her teeth or the soft rustling of her blankets through the wall, but his mind had no willpower to keep those images away. He was almost grateful when the two cats came and nuzzled his head and purred in his ears. At least they blocked out the sounds of Tohru. He couldn't bear to hear her crying, if that's what she was planning on doing. With that thought, he got a clear mental picture of Tohru sobbing on her futon, scared to be alone in the house with him in case he molested her again. Everything was going so badly that he couldn't sleep at all. He would just have to wait out the morning to see if she would even ever talk to him again.

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A/N: Poor Kyo-kun! I hope you liked this part and wish me to continue. It won't all be angsty, I promise. I don't claim to own any of the characters, although Bonesy and Kitty Pants the cats do belong to me. ^_^ Actually, I more belong to them. Reviews are always welcome and appreciated! 


	2. Negotiations

Disclaimer: Do I own it? No.  Do I wish that I did? Certainly.

A/N: Part 2 of 3 coming your way.  If you can get through the angst I assure you it's worth it! ^_^  

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A Battle Lost – Part 2

By: Mizaya

Swings and kicks flew through the air at an alarming pace, deftly targeting the invisible opponent.  An open-handed chop to the neck was followed by a roundhouse kick to the head from the other side.  If it had been a real opponent, one who couldn't move, he would have been paralyzed or unconscious.

Kyo could admit that he was skilled.  After practicing marital arts his whole life it felt as natural to him as breathing.  Any day that didn't start out with morning training just felt wrong somehow.  He also knew that when he faced real challengers, his emotions often took over and he lost his smooth abilities.  Sure he could take Hatsuharu down at any time, but he should be able to beat anyone.  That damn rat should be easy to best, not impossible!  His next blow was badly miscalculated and he stumbled to regain his balance.

Frustrated that his anger inhibited him again, he ran his hand over his forehead and into the messy reddish hair, making it stick up with a morning's worth of sweat.  He was officially exhausted.

The whole night he had maybe two hours of sleep, and it was fitful.  So, before the sun had even begun to rise, Kyo tossed the sleeping cats off of him and grabbed his shoes so he could go to the store.  His clothes had been rumpled from laying in them all night, but he didn't much care.  He wanted to be to the all-night supermarket and back long before Tohru woke up.

Walking around under the glaringly fluorescent lights he felt even more upset about his actions.  What right did he have to kiss Tohru?  All he had wanted was to spend the remaining days of freedom, eighty-eight now, in her presence.  He should have left well enough alone.  He should have restrained himself better.  He should have done a lot of things differently.  If he could go back and change everything, he would.  He would have been nicer to her from the start.

"I didn't know," he gritted out angrily, crushing the box of crackers in his hand.  A tired-looking man backed away from him, eyes fearful.  Kyo glared at him and continued with his shopping.  He didn't know how special she would end up being to him.  That he might come to care for her - that he might come to love her – wasn't something he thought about at that disastrous first meeting.

But there she was, a tiny, cheerful girl.  She would probably laugh and deny it if he told her she had immense power over him.  It was true, though.  When she asked for anything, a situation that arose very rarely considering her nature, he had no strength to say no to her.  He could admit it to himself that he would give her the world, but there was no way he could tell her out loud.  Words always got in the way of his feelings and feelings got in the way of his brain.  Tohru made him feel like a stammering, lovesick fool.  The scary part was he didn't even mind it.

After paying for the groceries and returning to the house, Kyo had hurriedly put all the food away and begun making rice.  The least he could do to make up for his lecherous actions was fix her breakfast.  The problem was that he wanted to be done and outside training before she woke up.  That way, if she didn't want to see him, he wouldn't be in her way.

The onigiri he had cooked up for her meal might have been perfectly shaped, but they were pretty dull.  Kyo tried to arrange them on the plate in an interesting pattern but to no avail.  He had no artistic talent.  Frowning at the monochrome balls of rice, he had just decided to stick some vegetables on the plate and write a note:

---I went to the store already.  You can have these if you want. I already ate---

Then he had set the plate and the note on the counter and made a beeline for the yard so she wouldn't have to face him.  Meditating for a bit had helped him focus his mind and after that the forms came easily to him.

That was an hour ago.  He couldn't practice all day, not when he had only slept minimally and she was awake to distract him.  While his hand still remained in his damp hair, he used his arm as a shield to hide the fact that he was looking at her through the window.  He watched as she padded into the dining room, Bonesy in her wake, carrying the tray of riceballs.  The little gray cat seemed to like her, at least.  Kitty Pants would hiss at anyone that wasn't himself or his Shishou, even Kunimitsu, but Bonesy was friendly with everyone.  

Tohru's face was long and dreary as she munched on her breakfast.  Kyo knew why, though.  He had violated her personal space, scared her, and now their friendship was ruined.  He knew Tohru well enough that he could admit he meant something to her, but this changed it all for the worst.  Even if she had wanted to, even if she had liked it, it was still all so unfair.  His time with her was so limited.  He could categorize it in hours and it wouldn't even seem that far off that he would be sent away for eternity.  What would that do to her?  He couldn't kiss her and give her the hope of something more if she got the impression that he would be there always.  

How he longed to be, though.

Something warm brushed his ankle and he looked down to see Bonesy's female counterpart staring up at him with round green eyes.  "What do you want?"  The cat said nothing, but she dragged her head over his leg again.  "I'm taking a shower and then a nap."  As if she understood, Kitty Pants ran ahead of him to the door and meowed insistently.

Kyo followed and, taking a deep breath, quickly walked into the house and across the open space where Tohru was still eating.  He couldn't even bear to see her this closely.  It would tear him up forever if he saw that hurt clearly.  He muttered almost to himself about the shower and then ran off down the hall and into the bathroom.  Once he was there, he let out that breath and began undressing.  Maybe a nice warm shower would help him get to sleep.  He could just sleep all day everyday until graduation.  It would be better than the constant reminder of whom he had hurt.

After his long, hot shower, Kyo finally changed into all new clothes.  The clean feeling made him more relaxed, and that brought his exhaustion to a head.  As soon as he found a comfortable position on the bed he was fast asleep.

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Darkened shadows played on the walls and it took him a few minutes to recognize his old bedroom.  He felt muddled and fuzzy after so much sleep, not to mention famished.  His stomach rumbled to echo that thought.  A dazed look at the alarm clock and an even more dazed calculation of numbers told him he had been sleeping for ten hours.  Realization set in like molasses.  Ten hours!

Jumping out of bed, Kyo was caught in a lengthy yawn.  He stretched and mussed his hair before stepping out of his dark room into the well-lit hallway.  As he made his way into the dining room, he squinted and blinked, getting adjusted to the sudden brightness.  Tohru was sitting at the table, one of her textbooks in hand.  By the time he noticed her sitting there, it was too late.  

Tohru looked up, her face startled and confused.  "Ah."  Her pause filled the air, as if she didn't know what to say to a lecher like himself.  "I have dinner ready.  Let me go get it."  Her voice was timid, shy.  That he had scared her to such an extent made him lose most of his appetite.

She returned a minute later, carrying some miso soup and codfish.  It was his favorite meal.  She probably made it so he would be happy and not attack her again.  Kyo drank the soup quickly, almost choking because it was still hot off the stove.  He wanted nothing more than to eat and get out of her hair.  He wanted nothing more than to kiss her again.  Everything was hopeless.

"Kyo-kun?"  His name was so faint on her lips that he imagined that hearing it was a dream.

Dreadfully, he brought his eyes up to meet hers and shriveled inside because of the hurt there.  How could he steal that happy glow from her face?  He didn't want to hear whatever it was she was going to say.  Possibilities ran through his head, everything from her crying because she was scared to angrily telling him to stay out of her life.  He knew better, though, that her words would be kind and barely tinged with the fearful sadness she had to be feeling.  He couldn't deal.  He left the salmon on the plate and stood up from the table.  Working his jaw to try and think of something to say, he finally gave up and just left the house.

Outside, he growled loudly and struck his fist into the side of the house.  It stung and he could feel where his knuckles were gashed, but it was most welcomed.  He deserved more pain than he could inflict on himself.  He deserved his punishment of being locked away.  Maybe everyone was right about the cat.  If he couldn't control his emotions enough to be with the one person he loved above all others without abusing her, he had no place in society.

The roof of his Shishou's house wasn't easily accessed like the one at Shigure's.  High places had always been his refuge of choice, however, and he had learned how to access the roof only three days after he had moved in.  All he had to do was scale the small pear tree on the North side, and then leap a short distance from the branch to the ledge, then lift himself up and over.  It seemed so easy now, where as at age five it had been an adventure.

He reminisced about his childhood as he ascended the tree.  At his parents' house he had often climbed out of his bedroom window on the roof to stare at the stars at night.  Something had seemed so right about looking up at the world and seeing nothing but open sky.  At such a young age he had no idea what it was, but he knew now that it was relief from the weight of the curse pushing down on him.  His mother made almost a prison for him herself.  Once she had caught him lying out on the roof after he was supposed to be in bed and she scolded him worriedly until his father nailed the window closed.  That was the end of that luxury.  It was only weeks before she died.  At the time he thought it had something to do with her death, that he had scared her so much by being out on the precariously high roof that she couldn't handle it anymore.  His current situation reminded him of that.  He terrified people he loved so much that they ran away from him, frightened to even be around him.

Once he moved into Shishou's house, he felt the roof pulling again.  He thought that if he climbed onto the roof again that she would get scared and come back to him, to pull him in and touch his cheek like the time she caught him.  She never did, though.  All he had was the stars overhead.

Shishou let him go to the roof whenever he wanted, because he trusted Kyo and knew he was an agile climber.  He also knew that it was Kyo's sanctuary away from the trials and tribulations of life.  Even so, before Kyo had lived there a week the ground below the pear tree, which was originally sprinkled with rocks and some prickly bushes, was replaced with soft grass and eventually wildflowers.  That was Kazuma's way.  He always let Kyo be himself and only gave him advice about what to do, never ordering him, but he looked out for Kyo at all times.  

The roof was cold and sharp against Kyo's back, delightfully so.  Air was better and cleaner when he was on the roof.  The roof was familiar.  The stars always looked the same, no matter where he was or how old.  Kyo hoped for one thing in his cell; he hoped that he had a window where he could see the stars at night.  Never would he voice his desire for that, in fear that Akito would deny him any pleasures, but he thought it to himself all the time.  If he could see the stars, his life might be tolerable.  His memories of Tohru would somehow drown without them twinkling in the sky like her smile.

He had no idea how long he laid on the rooftop.  It seemed like an hour but he knew it had been several.  His hands were red and chapped from the cold mountain air and his breath hung like a ghost in front of him.  The last light in the house, that he could see only by the stream of yellow that played on the leaves of the garden's trees, had gone out some time ago.  He had waited, though, to come down, because he wanted to make sure she was asleep.  It was only two more nights of having to be with him until Shishou would come back and he could take her home.  He would have offered himself, but he didn't think she would want to walk through the woods with a molesting pervert.  And he certainly would never suggest she walk home alone.  He could manage to stay out of her way for another day.

In lieu of shimmying down the tree, which had proved difficult in the past, Kyo just jumped down off of the roof.  He landed lightly, using his hands to balance the impact.  It was one of the few reasons he could be thankful for having the spirit of a cat.  Brushing off the knees of his khaki pants, he acknowledged that the lights in the house were in fact out.  His sensitive ears could hear no sounds as he walked in the door, either, so hopefully she really was asleep.

As quietly as possible, Kyo crept to the kitchen and finished the salmon that Tohru had left in the refrigerator for him.  After that, he brushed his teeth and stripped off his clothes until he was clad only in his boxers and undershirt.  That was how he slept most nights, regardless of how he had just passed out fully dressed the night before.  He stretched out on the mattress and stared at the ceiling.  He wasn't tired at all after his prolonged nap, but in his room he was alone, out of her way.

Minutes passed like hours before his eyes.  Right as he thought he might actually fall asleep, he heard a piercing cry from Tohru's room.  Not even thinking about anything except her well-being, he dashed from his bed to her door and threw it open.

Tohru sat hunched over herself on the middle of her futon.  Her soft brown hair trailed over her arms and back and she trembled with pitiful sobs.  He couldn't just leave her in that state, no matter what had happened between them.

"Tohru," he said hesitantly from her doorway.

Looking up at him with glistening eyes, she began to cry even more.  "I'm so sorry, Kyo-kun.  I didn't mean to wake you up."  Her words were barely intelligible because of her tears.

Kyo crept closer to her, as he might approach a deer in the forest.  He was slow, making non-threatening, calming gestures with his hands.  "I was already awake.  What happened?"  He swallowed.  "Do…do you want me to leave?"

"No!"  He was surprised at her pleading tone.  "Please, Kyo-kun, I wanted to talk to you."

Sitting on the floor, several feet from the edge of her bedroll, he nodded at her.  He was prepared for the worst.

"Kyo-kun," she started, "I don't understand what happened.  Last night when…we kissed."  She blushed and bowed her head shamefully.  "I'm sorry if I did something wrong to offend you.  Today, I felt like I was in your way, and you didn't want to be near me, and this is your house and I'm always so selfish.  And now I woke you up with my bad dream.  I really am a burden.  I should go back home."  Still not meeting his eyes, she began packing her things in her bag.

Kyo was completely stunned.  Her words meant that he had been wrong all along.  He was thinking the same thoughts that she was, about offending him and scaring him and getting in his way.  He felt even more like a fool now.  His method of showing her that he always wanted to be near her had miserably failed, but not in the way he had thought.  Unless she was lying to him, which he couldn't ever believe, he had just acted like the biggest idiot the world had ever seen, and now he was being even stupider as he idly watched her pack her bags to what?  Walk back to Shigure's in the middle of the night?

"Tohru, stop."  He was on his feet in a heartbeat, at her side and pulling her up by her arm.  He arranged her so that she faced him directly, her eyes unbelievably wide as she tilted her head up to stare at him.  She was his fragile little flower.  He swore to himself at that moment that he wasn't going to trample her anymore.  "I'm a dumbass."  She shook her head but he put his finger to her chin and stopped her.  "You could never do anything to get in my way.  I want you in my way forever.  Don't you understand?"

"But I'm such-"

She never finished her sentence.  Kyo kissed her all over again, only this time he was sure of what he was doing.  If she didn't despise him for it then he could never hold back.

Tohru tensed and then quickly relaxed at the contact.  Her lips pressed back into his and he felt her hands brace on his shoulders.  She was still careful about the curse, even in the middle of being kissed.  Kyo's own hands cupped her face and his thumbs, lubricated by her drying tears, swept up her cheeks to rest beside her gorgeous eyes.  His kiss was short and tender, with no presumption of anything more.  He pulled back with his mouth slightly open, and tried to find some answer in her gaze.

She seemed to sparkle with an inner beauty that everyone could see but no one could ever define.  He could have looked at her like that, a deep blush darkening her cheeks, forever.  "I want to stay with you for as long as I can," he told her.

"I want to stay with you, too, Kyo-kun."

Her conviction shook him to his very core.  Her effect on him never lessened no matter how long he spent in her presence or how many idiotic things she did.  He loved her for all of them.  He loved her.  "Tohru," he said, still cupping her face.  "You're really dense, and you apologize too much, and you need to learn to speak up for yourself more often."  Sighing at the way her eyebrows rose worriedly, he rushed on.  "But I don't want you to change.  You are my… most special person."

For good measure, he kissed her again as the words suck in.  He didn't know what he was doing anymore than she did, but he knew it was right to try.  This time she seemed to be more frozen, so he stopped quickly to look at her again.

"Kyo-kun, you are my most special person, too."  Her hand traced over her own pinked lips and she blushed, only this time he could tell by the accompanying smile that it was out of happiness, not embarrassment or shock.

Something that she said earlier nagged in his mind.  "What did you have a bad dream about?" he inquired seriously, frowning at her to emphasize his concern.

"Ah, it was nothing, really."  He glared and she looked down.  "I had a dream that you transformed into a cat and I was running after you, but you were too fast."

"Then why did you scream?"

Her eyes met his through her long eyelashes.  "It was awful, Kyo-kun!  I chased you so far that you ran out in front of a big truck, and I was scared that it would run you over so I yelled out to you.  That's when I woke up."

He half smiled at her dreaming about him.  If only she knew how often she graced his dreams.  Those weren't nightmares, however.  Those were usually much more detailed.  Just thinking about them made him blush himself.

"I'm sorry, Kyo-kun, for chasing you like that."

Rolling his eyes at her, he grabbed her hand and led him from the room.  "Don't be so dumb.  Apologizing for a dream," he grumbled into the air.  

"You aren't having anymore nightmares tonight," Kyo told her with great resolve.  Guiding her into his room and to his bed, he pointed for her to sit down.  "You are going to sleep on my bed for the rest of the night.  It's more comfortable than that old futon so you'll get better rest.  I'll go sleep on that."

"No, I couldn't do that!"  Tohru shot up from sitting on the bed and gave him the most horrified expression.  He would have to be as stubborn as she was.

Crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes, Kyo stood his ground.  "I'm not taking no for an answer.  I won't be to blame for you having bad dreams."

Tohru just blushed and nodded, settling herself into the covers.  Kyo waited until she looked tucked in and then he turned the light off and started to close the door.

"Wait.  Kyo-kun?"  He paused for her question.  "Will you stay with me?  I feel so guilty taking your nice bed from you, and it would be nice to have some company."

Her question caught him completely off guard.  She wanted him to sleep in the same bed as her?  She probably didn't even know what that implied.  He still couldn't say no, though, and honestly he didn't really want to.  His brain swam erratically as he reversed his direction and closed the door with himself in the room instead.  Despite his attempt to stay cool, his hands shook when she scooted over and let him join her on the suddenly tiny bed.

"Are you sure?" he asked in a broken voice.

"Sure, Kyo-kun!"  Her smile was contagious, although he figured he was more grinning like an idiot than smiling.

Both of them rolled onto their sides to face on another, an awkward silence settling over them now that they really realized how close they were in the bed.

"Do you want to get under the covers, Kyo-kun?"

Her question was completely innocent, since obviously she was thinking about him being cold, but his mind found the implications in her words.  "No." He cleared his throat.  "No, I'm too hot to get under the covers."  Boy was he ever.

Tohru seemed pensive for a moment.  "Kyo-kun, are you scared to sleep in the bed with me because of the curse?"

"No, it's just….  Tohru, do you know what the implications of this are?  I shouldn't be here."

Her hand closed over his and he wound their fingers together thoughtfully.  "It's okay," she said with a warm smile.  "I want to stay here like this."  The smile was replaced with something else, something indefinable but entrancing.  "Kyo-kun, I don't want to lose you anymore."

How those words hit him.  Her tone was utterly serious and sweet.  "I don't want to lose you, either," he whispered.  Talking in a normal voice seemed out of place now, like the words would break if they were spoken too loudly.  "Tohru, do you know?"

"Know what, Kyo-kun?" she whispered back.

His free hand reached across the space between them and sifted into her fine strands of hair.  His words had double meaning.  "That I love you," he mouthed, barely adding any sound to the words.

Tohru only smiled and closed her eyes.  "I love Kyo-kun, too."  With that, she drifted off to sleep.

Kyo continued to stroke her hair in a lulling rhythm, stopping every once in a while to brush a finger over her lips or her cheek.  He had to keep touching her or she would disappear.  It almost seemed that she was a figment of his imagination, but that little smile on her sleeping face reminded him that she was really there.  The other meaning of his question, that he would be leaving in almost four months, was for a different time.  Right now he only wanted to be by her side.

He lay awake for a long time, letting her words imprint themselves in his mind.  He wanted that memory, of her telling him that she loved him, to last for all eternity.

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A/N: See? I'm not THAT mean.  If you thought this was fluffy, just wait until next chapter!  Fluffy citrus for one and all!

Thank you to those that have reviewed so far.  Any and all feedback is appreciated highly!


	3. Defeat and Victory

Disclaimer: Still don't own Fruits Basket.

A/N: Here's the third and final installment of this fic. I have really enjoyed writing it, and I thank you all for your lovely reviews. 

WARNING: I came through with the citrus, just like I promised, so be warned that there is some semi-graphic content. This is the edited version of the lemon, but I really didn't have to edit that much out to make it appropriate for Fanfiction.net. If anyone has any objections to the content, I'm happy to edit it further as opposed to getting it pulled from the site. Please email me if you have a concern about that or if you would like a link to the unedited version. I swear I don't bite. ^_^

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A Battle Lost

By: Mizaya

Kyo stared at his hand, still woven together with Tohru's on the middle of the bed. They hadn't moved all night, and although he figured he would have a stiff neck from lying in such a weird position, he didn't much care. It wasn't a night he would trade for anything in the world, and nothing could have made it better.

Well, nothing except getting rid of that internal reminder that screamed "Eighty-seven days" in his head.

An insistent scratching made him raise his head and stare at the door. The cats wanted in, no doubt. They could wait, though. He wanted to stay with Tohru in bed all day if he could, although he knew that was an improper thing to think about.

"What's that sound, Kyo-kun?" 

When he turned his head back towards her, she was using her free hand to rub at her eyes, blinking them open. "Just the cats," he said quietly. It felt a bit strange now, being awake with her in the bed during the light of day. Suddenly shy, he unwound their fingers and let go of her hand. "Did you sleep okay?"

Tohru surprised him when she took the opportunity of having both hands free to encircle his arm and snuggle close to it, pressing her face against his bicep. She looked so happy when her smiling eyes met his. "I slept very well. Thank you for staying with me, Kyo-kun. I only had pleasant dreams."

Her faint blush reminded him of his own dreams, but he speculated that Tohru's were nowhere near as graphic as his own. A teenage boy sleeping in a bed with the girl he loved was bound to have impure dreams, even if the girl was as sweet and innocent as Tohru. It made him feel like a lecher all over again, but he didn't mind as much after she revealed that she felt somewhat the same as he did.

Moments passed as Kyo reached over and began disheveling her already mussed bangs, sweeping his finger side to side and making her giggle softly. When he couldn't take it anymore, he leaned his head in and kissed a bared part of her forehead. "I meant what I said, Tohru," he told her seriously.

The faint pink that had tinged her cheeks was now bright red, but when she beamed at him it went away, as if it were a symbol of her feelings resolving. "I meant what I said, too, Kyo-kun."

Before he turned beet red himself, Kyo put his feet on the floor and pulled her out of bed by her hand. "Come on. Let's go feed them before they scratch a hole in the door."

Tohru insisted on feeding the cats herself, even though Kitty Pants hissed at her jealously and made sure she remained in between Kyo and Tohru at all times. Meanwhile, Kyo went to take a shower and get ready for the day. He was lonely even being away from her for a short time, and he couldn't help himself from stopping her in the hallway as they passed and kissing her before she went to take a shower herself.

"What are you looking at?" he angrily asked the female cat as he began to make breakfast. Her brother was sleeping in the middle of the kitchen floor where a patch of sunlight warmed the tile for him, but she was sitting on the counter, staring at him with an evil expression. She didn't flinch at his words, only continued to stare. He decided to work around her.

When Tohru reemerged in the kitchen, Kyo was just finishing the natto and rice. They ate breakfast in good spirits, laughing at various things that she said or had happened at school. This time when they washed the dishes together, Kyo let his hands trail over hers on purpose. It was as if someone had given him permission to do all the things he had only ever dreamed about.

The majority of the day passed by in short order. Kyo fixed some things around the house that Kazuma probably hadn't even realized were broken, like the back screen door. His Master was a wise and fair man, but his head really was in the clouds at times. Tohru spent most of the day doing math homework and studying for a history test that was coming up after break. Kyo had actually done all of his school reading and homework before they left. He took pride in the fact that he was a good student, even if he never bragged about it like that damn rat.

When he felt that the house was in order, Kyo sat next to Tohru and pulled out a book from his pocket. If Tohru was startled at his reading, she made no sign of it. She only continued to go over her class notes and smiled when Kyo grasped her hand under the table. Not looking up for fear of blushing, the only evidence of his distraction, if Tohru cared to notice it, was the fact that it was suddenly taking him ten minutes to read one page. She was a hindrance to his concentration for sure, but a welcome one.

"Wanna go for that walk now?" he questioned abruptly. They had just enough time to go and be back before it got too dark. He wanted to show her something.

"That sounds like fun."

Kyo waited for Tohru while she went and got her coat. The cats stayed at his feet, looking up expectantly, but he frowned at them. "Oh, no, you don't. You're not going anywhere."

If Tohru was confused as to why he shut the cats in the house, she didn't mention it. She seemed to be smiling permanently, even more so when he took her hand and led her away from the house, into the surrounding forest.

"I think this is the prettiest day since we've been here, Kyo-kun."

It was a nice day, he had to admit. The air was still biting cold, but the sun shone uninhibited on the tree line and there were scattered winter flowers coloring the path. Without the sounds of any other humans around, he suppose it did seem nice, but he had grown up in the place, so it was only comforting and familiar to him. "Yeah," he said to her. He shook his head at his lacking conversational skills and tried again. "Er, the weather always seems to be nicer up here. Even at a slightly higher elevation than Shigure's it makes a big difference."

"I never thought of that before. Thank you for explaining it to me, Kyo-kun." Tohru leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. She seemed wholly content and so was he. They were almost to the spot that he had never taken anyone to before.

The clearing seemed to pop out of nowhere. One minute they were on a forest path, the next in an open patch that was bare except for some grass and an arrangement of rocks in the middle. Some birds that had been pecking at the ground flew off with an echo of flaps and cries when they came near.

"Wow, Kyo-kun, this is beautiful! Did the animals move the rocks to be in a circle like that? Or maybe you found it this way?"

He had to roll his eyes at her, although he did it with a smile. "Stupid girl." He lightly tapped the top of her head with his fist for emphasis. "Shishou and I moved them there like that. We used to come here to meditate."

"Ah!" Tohru's eyes lit up and she walked hesitantly to the rim of the rock circle, made up of ten fair sized boulders that housed a space the size of a large table.

"Go in and sit down."

Stepping gingerly between two of the rocks, Tohru sat down cross-legged in the middle. Kyo followed and sat across, facing her. In the meantime, she had shut her eyes tightly and scrunched her face up into a grimace. 

"What are you doing?" he inquired.

One eye peaked open at him. "I'm trying to meditate, Kyo-kun. Isn't that why you brought me here?"

Kyo laughed at her until she gave up, instead shooting him a confused expression. "That's not how you meditate. Meditation means full relaxation of the mind and body. You were on your way to a brain hemorrhage or something, frowning like that." His mirth died when he thought about the real reason he wanted to bring her here. "I have to talk to you," he said earnestly.

"What is it, Kyo-kun?"

All night, as Kyo had laid awake thinking, his mind had been centered on this issue. Once they shared that second kiss, after she had admitted indirectly to liking him in return, he had known that there was nothing he could do. At one time he had planned to keep his feelings for Tohru hidden, because of his curse and his fate. It had pained him to say it, but he had meant it when he told her he would be there for her when she found a boyfriend. The previous night had totally shattered that illusion, though, and now he had no choice but to love her openly, and also tell her of his fate. It was a battle lost.

Reaching forward, Kyo rested his hands on her knees to get her attention. "Tohru, there's something that you don't know about me. It's even worse than my…other form." His head turned away by instinct, because it would hurt to see her crushed, but he made himself look back before he continued. "I have to go away, Tohru."

She didn't say anything. She only looked down at her lap long enough that he explained further.

"Akito. He's going to lock me away after graduation, just like Shishou's grandfather. It's the destiny of the cat. To keep my evil away from everyone."

Her arms engulfed him before he knew what was going on. The tell-tale explosion and cloud of smoke told him that he had transformed into a cat, but his real attention was on the girl who was sobbing into his orange fur.

"I know already, Kyo-kun," she wept. "Akito-san told when we were at the beach house. I'm so sorry I kept it a secret. Please forgive me."

Frozen didn't begin to describe how he felt. She knew? All that time, he had been so worried about it, and she already knew?

"Are you angry with me, Kyo-kun?"

Pushing upwards, he nuzzled her cheek with his feline head. "No, why would I be angry with you? If anything, I'm pissed at Akito. I bet that bastard explained it in a really crappy way." He hated the Jyuunishi God at that moment, more than ever. No one had the right to hurt Tohru.

Tohru lifted her body from his and wiped away an errant tear. She was smiling, at least. "It's okay, Kyo-kun. I talked to Kazuma-san about it, also. But you don't have to worry. I'm going to break the curse!" Her hands formed fists and she looked so hopeful and determined that there was no way he could destroy her dreams, even if they would come crashing down at some point.

Her shriek and a recognizable tingle told him that he had transformed back into his human form. Tohru looked away and he was sure they both blushed while he rushed to throw on his clothes and bracelet.

"That wasn't all I wanted to tell you." His voice signaled that it was safe for her to turn around and she did so. "There's something else. I-I ruined everything for us when I kissed you."

She didn't hesitate in bounding to his side and shaking her head emphatically. "No, no, Kyo-kun, don't say that!"

He was resolved, though. "Yeah, I did. Now I have no choice."

"I don't understand." Her voice cracked and she appeared to be on the verge of tears again, so he braced his hands on the side of her head, drawing her face near his.

"Before, I loved you secretly." Kyo inhaled, trying to hang on to sanity in her presence. "Now that I kissed you, I can't hide it anymore. I'll want to be with you all the time. I'll want you to be my girlfriend."

Tohru's big brown eyes almost shimmered. A rosy hue crept across her face, lighting up her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. "When…when Kyo-kun kissed me, I didn't know what it meant, but I spent all yesterday thinking about it, and…and I want Kyo-kun to be my boyfriend, too. I love you."

Stunned. He was stunned. He had expected her to panic and apologize and stumble over a response, not tell him with such conviction that she wanted what he wanted. It sent a pang to his heart that was painfully pleasurable. "I love you, too, Tohru."

Closing the gap between them, Kyo kissed her again. Their kisses before had been tentative and fairly chaste. This one was the polar opposite. Kyo didn't hold back at all. He pressed her mouth hard against his and almost immediately began caressing her lips with his tongue, moaning when she let him delve into her mouth and explore it better. It sealed their fate for him. As long as he could be by her side, he wouldn't hold back anything anymore. His heart would never let him.

Out of breath and completely flushed, Kyo finally separated himself from her. "We should go back," he wheezed. "It's almost dark."

The next couple hours seemed to go by in a hypnotic haze. The arrived at the house just as it was becoming too dark to see, and since they were both famished, decided to make dinner together. Kyo peeled and chopped all the vegetables while Tohru did everything else. Despite his attempt to be helpful, he figured that he was more of a bother, seeing as he stopped her every five seconds to kiss her temple or her nose or her lips, or just to touch her back with his hands. Their talk was nonsense, just moronic giggling and reminiscing about memories they had together. However he described it, it was perfect.

When time for bed came around, Kyo just pointed to his room. He didn't think it would be possible to pull off sleeping in the same bed at Shigure's, so he was sure as hell going to insist on it now. Tohru wore her cute blue tank top and shorts pajama set again, and Kyo decided to go with just his boxers. That way he wouldn't be too hot to slip under the covers with her.

As soon as they were settled in the bed, Kyo wrapped her hand in his again and sidled as close to her body as he could get without transforming. Face to face as they were, their breath was mingling together between them and warming his chest. His unoccupied hand slid up to her neck and he brushed the backs of his fingers against it before leaning in to kiss her.

Starting slowly, Kyo dipped his tongue into the gap between her lips and searched out her teeth, running up and around them before mingling with her own tongue. Tohru flattened her palm out on his shoulder and responded to his actions, eventually crossing over to invade his mouth. As the kiss progressed, the vehemence increased and soon Kyo found himself with a very pressing problem. He had to tear himself away and flip onto his back, panting at how much the kiss had turned him on.

"Kyo-kun, did I do something wrong?"

He rolled onto his other side to face away from her and hide his aroused state. "No," he said tightly, through clenched teeth. "Just hang on a minute."

A minute didn't really help, though. He could feel Tohru rustling around on the bed and his brain did evil things to his body to punish him for turning away from her. His problem was definitely getting worse. "I think I shouldn't stay here tonight," he bit out.

Tohru sat up on her knees behind him and leaned over his torso to see his face. She pressed her wrist against his forehead and spoke into his ear. "Are you sick? You feel hot, and your face is red. Maybe you're coming down with a cold."

Sighing, Kyo sat up on the bed, too, still with his back to her. "Yeah, I do feel hot, but it's not because I'm sick."

"Eh…?" 

The silence in the room was overwhelming. He didn't want to come out and tell her that she made him horny as hell. It would spoil whatever bond they had made over the day, and it would be pretty hard to explain to someone like her. Damn his hormones!

A ticklish sensation on his back from her hair indicated that she was leaning forward. Kyo hunched over to cover his lap. "I understand, Kyo-kun. That feeling…it is like being too hot."

"Huh?" His back straightened. He forgot about masking his condition at her words. Staring at the wall in awe, he continued to listen.

"When Kyo-kun kisses me, it makes me feel hot, too. It becomes hard to breathe. Is that what you mean?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "But that means I should stop, because it makes me want to do things that we shouldn't do."

The feeling of her hair whisking across his back stopped when she settled beside him on the edge of the bed and took his closest hand in hers to press it against her heart. Kyo glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, puzzled.

"But I want to share my love for you like that. Mom always told me that when you find that special person, when you fall in love, that it's okay. She said that if you do that at the wrong time, with the wrong person, that it can be a bad experience, but if it's the right person, and you love them and are ready, then it can only be good." She pressed the back of his hand closer to her heart so he could feel the beating. "See, Kyo-kun? My heart is telling me that it's right. Is your heart telling you that it's wrong?"

Tohru never ceased amazing him. "Nothing about you is ever wrong." He took his hand back, bringing hers with it and mirroring what she had done, holding it to his chest. "My heart says that you're always right for me."

Their lips met again once more in the middle. Kyo renewed his fervent tasting while he let his hands arrange her back on the bed in her previous position. He trailed his hand up her arms and down along the neckline of her top while propping his body up with his elbow. His agitated state didn't bother him anymore, because he knew it didn't bother her. 

Kyo left her mouth in favor of following the course of his fingers along her neck and collarbone, while his hands went instead to her waist, slipping under the thin shirt to feel at the soft skin of her stomach. Tohru was stroking his hair, and when he reached the crease where her ribs met the smoothness of her small breasts, he looked up at her questioningly, only to have her brush his hair away from his eyes and nod at him. Kyo reverently lifted the fabric up and over her head, tossing it to the floor next to the bed so he could continue on his journey.

Hefting the underside of one breast, Kyo circled it with his kisses, spiraling inward until he reached the tender pink bud it displayed. He took it into his mouth and gently began suckling on it, increasing his veracity when she squeaked a response and held his head to her bosom. His other hand worked her other breast, massaging it with his palm while his fingers rubbed her nipple into a taught peak. After a minute he switched, kissing a line directly across from one to the other.

With his mouth still occupied, Kyo moved his hands in opposite directions. One went back to holding him upright on the bed, the other voyaged down her body, skipping over her pale blue shorts to rest on the outside of her farthest thigh. He tried not to move too fast in sliding it up her leg and into the garment, still on the outer part of her leg. She didn't flinch or tell him to stop, so he kept going, until he felt her cotton panties. He hooked one finger inside them and skimmed along the edge inwards until he could feel her heated center. Then she did flinch.

"Tohru?" He removed his mouth from her breast to look up at her. Her eyes were closed and she was inhaling heavily. "Is that all right?"

"Yes. It feels…nice."

He grinned and scooted up a bit to focus his kisses on her mouth again, while his hand, which had leapt away from her body at her jerk, now went to the waistband. He divested her of both her shorts and her underwear in one motion, and then went back to his initial activity of seeking out her pleasure. Sex hurt a girl the first time. He knew that much at least, and it was only fair that she get some enjoyment so she didn't look back on the night with pain.

It was guesswork for him, really. He had a basic idea of how to touch a girl, but knowing something and practicing it were two entirely different things. Tohru's hands had left his hair in favor of his chest, and he took care to observe when she unconsciously moved them, knowing that he was paying attention to the correct places. Their lips broke apart when it became too hard for either of them to breathe, Tohru because she was reaching the pinnacle and him because he was having a hard time controlling his body when it strived to be where his fingers were at that moment.

"Kyo-kun!" Tohru's mumbled exclamation was accompanied by a grasping of her hands on his shoulders. She had remained almost motionless the whole time, so he knew what her actions meant. He had actually given Tohru an orgasm. It was a bit hard to fathom. He removed his hand, which caused her to shudder, and pulled the blanket back over her whole body, ultimately collapsing beside her.

"Thank you, Kyo-kun. I've never felt anything like that before."

He blushed and kissed her shoulder. "I'll do better next time. I wanted you to enjoy yourself before we…you know."

She giggled. "But I'll enjoy that, too. I'm ready if you want to try it now."

"It'll hurt. I have to tell you that," he intoned with a scowl. "I'm going to get it over with quickly so you don't have to be in pain long. After that, it won't ever hurt again."

Tohru nodded again, still with that big smile. He kissed her while he removed his boxers and settled in between her legs, locking his arms on either side of her body to maintain the space between their torsos. "Are you absolutely sure?" he asked one final time. 

"Yes, Kyo-kun, I'm sure."

He went in swiftly, wincing swallowing her whimper with a kiss and his own groan of pleasure. The tightness made his body literally shake with anticipation, but he waited until her tenseness faded before sliding out and thrusting in again, over and over. He had no idea how long it lasted with his reality altered by the sensations, but he didn't think it was very long. A lifetime of waiting fled in a few seconds of intense physical pleasure when he went over the edge. He had never known anything so spectacular before.

The uncontrollable release dissipated and left him trembling in its wake. When he could move again, he fell on the bed beside her. This time she pulled the covers up around him. "Now I get to thank you." His voice demonstrated his exhaustion. "Are you okay?"

He wrapped his arm around her when she snuggled close to his side. "It wasn't bad at all," she said honestly. "Once the pain went away, it started to feel good again. I love to make you happy. Maybe…we can try again when you're ready?"

"I love to make you happy, too." Everything was like a dream. "I would like to try again if you would. Just let me know."

"Okay, in a little bit. Kyo-kun?" He met her eyes when she didn't say anything else. They sparkled with emotion. "I'm so glad that this happened. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for what Kyo-kun and the other Sohmas have done for me, but this is the happiest I've been since Mom left. I love you, Kyo-kun."

"I love you, Tohru, and I understand. You don't have to feel guilty. I haven't been this happy since my mom left, either. It's nice to have someone."

"I think so, too." Her voice was a tired whisper.

Whether or not Tohru had been serious about trying again, he wasn't going to wake her up to ask. She fell asleep so peacefully at his side. His own angel. Just like the night before, he stayed awake long after she did. When the clock showed that it was midnight and that internal timer told him there were eighty-six days remaining, it wasn't the same at all. This time, instead of signifying eighty-six days until his life was over, it signified eighty-six days spent living. To him, Tohru was life's breath. 

--The End--

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always appreciated.


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